WUNRN
http://www.motherdaughtercoach.com/
Rosjke Hasseldine - rosjkehasseldine@googlemail.com
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Women have been emailing me about two articles I wrote back in
2006 and 2007 because they are speaking to them. The
articles are; "Lifting the veil on mothers and
daughters" (Published by F-Word) and "The Emotional Crisis between
Mothers and Daughters".
In these articles I write about how sexism, gender inequality, violence, and
emotional silence are the root cause for today's epidemic in mother-daughter
relationship conflict.
It is interesting that these articles are suddenly gaining a lot of
attention. Something must be happening that is making women search for answers
about what is causing them to fight with their mother or daughter. And for me,
reading what I wrote 8 years ago is eye-opening. It helps me see how my
thinking has progressed.
If I were to write these articles today I would focus in on the sexism of
emotional silencing, and emotional neglect, and how the silencing of what
women need, think, feel, and want, harms women's emotional wellbeing, their
equality, and their relationship with their mother and daughter.
In the mother-daughter maps I draw I see women's long generational history of
emotional neglect and how this causes women to be emotionally starved. In many
families, what the mother and grandmother needed emotionally from their
husband, and other family members, was not known or discussed. And because this
language wasn't spoken in the family, daughters today do not know how to speak
it for themselves. I see young and older women alike who are struggling to know
what they need emotionally, because their mother did not know what they emotionally
needed, and the patriarchal society they live in does not view women as having
needs of their own.
This is a key issue for mothers and daughters today, and it is causing women
to suffer from emotional disempowerment and relationship conflict.
- When
women aren't heard, mothers and daughters fight over who gets to be heard
- When
women's emotional needs aren't met, mothers and daughters fight over whose
needs get to be met
- When
women's lives are restricted by sexist gender roles, mothers and daughters
fight over their lack of personal freedom
Learning
how to speak what we emotionally need is, I believe, the next stage in women's
fight for equality and visibility. Women cannot be equal or visible
if they cannot say what they need emotionally. And we cannot have our needs
heard or considered at decision making tables if we do not know what we need,
and if being female is still being defined by selfless giving and self-neglect.
This is the central theme I write about in my next book "What's
really going on between mothers and daughters". I explain how
women's legacy of not having their emotional needs inquired after or
acknowledged harms a mother's and daughter's ability to feel heard and
understood by each other. I provide exercises and checklists that empower women
to claim their emotional needs, and speak them with confidence.