WUNRN
The Unending Manhood Paradox
By Wanjala Wafula*
I |
have spent the last fifteen years championing
a cause of non-violent versions of manhood across the African continent. On the
other hand, I resolutely support elements of traditional socialization in
Africa that promote non-violence, and ones that foster coexistence and the
reduction of all forms of violence. Like other men across the African
continent, I have wondered for many years about what really makes me a man
apart from the physical manifestations which I hasten to mention are rather
very apparent
I recently had a singular privilege of being part of a delegation to
launch the One Million Fathers movement in
I have awoken up to the realization that manhood as is defined in most
African communities is a shaky social status that is both difficult to achieve
and yet vaguely held. I now understand why numerous men across the globe are
starting to realize just how profound the burden of being male is especially in
the context of the effects of negative masculinity that many of us are
socialized into.
I have learned that manhood must be earned and preserved through
visibly demonstrable actions including violence, cultures/traditions, and
economic deprivation of the “other” as well as sustained depravity of those we
are made to believe are the “weaker” sex. I have established that manhood
requires that men and boys behave and act in specific ways before one’s social
group as well as the public. I have carried along with me the lessons in my
childhood where we were taught the roles and duties of a man and woman. It’s
sad to affirm that my age mates are perishing from HIV infection, STI’s,
alcoholism, crime, poverty, illiteracy and the list remains endless. The double
edged side of manhood is proving too cumbersome for some men and resulting to
enormous effects to both individuals and families hence my lonely cry to all
men and boys to shun the shackles of negative masculinity. Men and boys must
avoid the entitlements of manhood as defined by harmful traditions and customs.
I have met a sundry of groups and I am left to struggle with the
realism that men experience more anxiety over their gender status particularly
when that status is uncertain or challenged by factors including poverty,
displacement, ignorance and disease. Attaining manhood is effectively evaluated
or adjudicated by other men and women. From the conversations that I have had
with young men in various societal situations, many acknowledge that they
habitually have a sense of being checked if they measure up to accepted
outstanding description of manhood. In my view, the big brother side of manhood
is driving many men and boys to the realization that negative masculinity is a
burden that we all were socialized to accept and bear.
During one of those walks along the seashore, close to the treasured
I have
been following the inclinations of the contemporary media which are challenging
the apprehensive status of men and boys. Manhood, us understood is being
challenged by the current societal drive toward being macho and illustrated by
money, influence and stardom. To mitigate the push of the modern media and
society in general, more and more men and boys are injection themselves the
toxin of violence and entitlement as a justification of remaining relevant. In
my view, cultures around
Wafula (in Red) moderating at an interfaith forum
at the Red-Cross hall in Mombasa-Kenya
Over the years, I have met men from across the globe, yet a
majority of them have vehemently argued that a strong manhood identity can only
develop if boys adequately disconnect with the female caregiver and the
feminine traits that she embodies. To achieve this, Initiation rites of passage, some of which
include male circumcision are administered. Pundits have over the years pointed out that
some of the initiation practices continue to transform boys into the aggressors
that the same society is lamenting about. Sadly, sexual experience is
frequently associated with initiation into manhood and achieving a socially
recognized manhood status. Men are expected to be widely conversant,
insistent, and skilled regarding sexuality yet the same exposes them to the
risks of sexually transmitted infections including HIV.
Surveys from most parts of
One fundamental observation that has evaded pundits in discussions
around manhood is the role that women and girls play in formation and
sustenance of manhood. I hasten to mention that
gender functions are created and reconstructed. This means that they must be
interrogated by both men and women. Girls and women enormously add to
traditional, harmful versions of manhood, just as boys and men contribute to customary,
restraining versions of womanhood. Factual and durable transformation in gender
norms will only be realized when it is extensively accepted that gender
is relational, that it is restricting to aspire to empower women without
engaging men. I reiterate that it is also intricate if not impractical to
change what manhood means without appealing to women and girls.
*The writer, Wanjala Wafula, is a Founder
/ CEO of The Coexist Initiative, a
not for profit synergy of men and
boys community‐based organizations committed to
eliminating all forms of Gender based
violence in Kenya. Visit www.coexistkenya.com or
email Wafula@coexistkenya.com‐ facebook‐wanjala Wafula‐ skype: coexist.initiative.
Tel: +254712653322