WUNRN
By Rita Loyd ©
It
wasn’t by candle light….
No romantic music…..
All
the fantasies of how my first time would be
were
erased…..without my consent.
I
trusted him…
with my body.
But
then I was tricked.
I
was made to believe that only his hand would touch me there.
But
before I knew it…
My
innocence was violated…
My
virginity gone.
By
a man I would forgive
because
I did not place value on what he had stolen.
My
choice. My voice. My self worth.
I
even consoled his guilt for what he had done.
Three
years later I agreed to marry him
after
he gave me a diamond engagement ring
to
apologize for hitting me. How romantic.
A
year after that we divorced.
And
a year after that we remarried.
Because
I was still lost.
Because
I still did not know that I deserved better.
But
then one day while suffering ulcer pain
I
asked myself the question.
“How
did I end up here?”
And
it was at this moment I realized
that
it was a lack of self worth
that
attracted this relationship into my life
and
it was a lack of self worth
that
made me feel willing to stay.
It
became clear.
I
had a long road ahead of me....
To
reach my destination of self love.
But
this was the day
I
took my first step.
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