Margaret King of Birmingham, Ala., was at a loss about how to help her
older daughter prepare to rush at the University of Virginia. In the South,
where sororities have long been a momentous rite of passage, the road to
sisterhood is long and not so clearly marked.
So Mrs. King, who graduated from Yale in 1984, before
it had any sororities, enlisted the aid of Marlea Foster and Pat Grant, local
consultants who had coached their own daughters through rush at Furman, the
University of Georgia and Auburn University. Naming themselves the Rushbiddies, they opened shop
in 2009 after hearing about the rush misfortunes of their daughters’ friends.
About 50 mothers and their “chicks,” as the Biddies affectionately call them,
attended one of their two-day workshops in April ($100 a couple), complete with
mock rush party, wardrobe hints and paperwork prep.
And there is a mound of it. The smart rushee, the
Biddies advise, will have a résumé stressing community service, leadership,
academics and teamwork, letters of recommendation from alumnae of each chapter,
preferably on the campus in question, and reference letters.
With the help of Ms. Foster and Ms. Grant, who wears a
pink feather boa during workshops, Mrs. King asked alumnae of about 10
chapters, several from U.Va., to write her daughter’s recommendations. To guide
their plaudits, she sent them packets with a professional photograph,
transcript and résumé. To thank them, she dropped off a bottle of rosé in their
mailboxes.
The rush proved successful, but, she says, “I’m just
glad I didn’t have four daughters.”
For a generation that grew up on tutors, admission
counselors and relentless competition, prepping for rush seems only natural. A
mini-industry of blogs, Web sites, books and consultants now helps them prepare
for sorority recruitment and all its fallout, professionalizing what was once
left to older siblings.
Samantha von Sperling is an image consultant in New
York, but lately her bread-and-butter Wall Street clients have asked her to
help their daughters get ready for rush at schools like Harvard; the University
of Wisconsin, Madison; and New York University, which has added three chapters
since 2006 and more than doubled the number of sisters, to 570.
“It’s the same kind of coaching I do on Wall Street,”
Ms. von Sperling says.
Sororities are emerging in surprising force at campuses
not usually associated with the Greek tradition. Students raised on Facebook
and fears about post-college careers view sororities as the ultimate social
network and an extension of the community service begun in high school.
Nationwide, membership is up, growing a bit more than 15 percent from 2008 to
2011, to 285,543 undergraduates, according to the National Panhellenic
Conference, which represents 26 old-line sororities.
Twenty-eight percent of female undergraduates at George
Washington University last semester were Greek, about double that in 2006; at
Lehigh University, in Bethlehem, Pa., the number reached a high of 50 percent;
at the University of Rochester, 22 percent; at the University of Pennsylvania,
29 percent.
Though new chapters are being added and membership
expanded, competition is palpable for hot sororities. “The most sought-after
organizations aren’t able to keep up with the demand,” says Matt Supple,
director of Greek life at the University of Maryland, which recently added a
new chapter.
Which sororities get the most first-choice rankings is
a closely guarded secret.
“Sorority recruitment is like no other experience that
you will ever have for the rest of your life,” says Sunday Tollefson, author of
“Rush Right: Reveal
Your Best You During Sorority Recruitment.” “It’s like speed dating meets
interviewing meets beauty pageant meets upscale academic summer camp, complete
with a counselor.”
Rush often begins in August or early fall — for January
rush, substitute Uggs for fashionable flats. At the University of Mississippi,
which has nine sororities, all candidates attend a first-round “philanthropy”
event at each chapter that includes learning about its charitable work.
Candidates can visit up to six chapters on the second round, depending on how
many invite them to return, and three on the final.
In the early rounds, they have only minutes to make a
positive impression. The trick, says Ms. Tollefson, whose Web site, SureSister.com, aims to
demystify rush, is to be memorable for 10 minutes after each event. That’s when
sororities typically decide who will be cut.
Appealing facial expressions, confident body language
and good conversational skills are critical. “Practice, practice, practice in
the mirror, saying your name, and see what you look like when you listen,”
advises Denise Pietzsch,
an etiquette consultant in Ohio who works discreetly with clients heading to Miami
University. “If you’re a great active listener, they will remember you because
you let them talk.” Her typical fee: $125 an hour.
Ms. von Sperling offers a Friday-to-Sunday intensive,
for $8,000. One day is devoted to carrying yourself properly and the art of
conversation. Treat rush, she says, as you would a job interview. Avoid
politics and religion. “I teach them how to make interesting small talk: what
you saw at the cinema, a trip to Europe. I don’t know too many 20-year-olds who
are having a debate about economics.” Another day is for getting physically
ready — hair, makeup and wardrobe. Ms. von Sperling organizes “outfits down to
accessories, completely strategized.” Just in case a client forgets, outfits
are photographed and placed in a style file.
When Rachel Lewis was president of Alpha Chi Omega at
the University of Kansas, parents asked: “Should I buy all J. Crew clothing? Do
they need designer purses?” Ms. Lewis, a 2010 graduate, recently wrote “Recruitment 101: an Insider’s
Guide to Sorority Recruitment” and started up Sorority Corner, a
membership-based Web site. Her advice: “Dress like you are meeting your
boyfriend’s parents. If it’s too short or too tight or too out there, it won’t
impress.”
Sundresses by Lilly Pulitzer, the designer of happily
hued clothing, are particulary popular for August rush. Two years ago, the
company introduced the “Sorority Line” — totes, scarves, makeup bags and the
like — using chapters’ colors and symbols. Sales are strongest in the South:
“OBSESSED! E-mailing this to the entire Gamma Psi chapter at Wofford College!”
gushed one fan on the company Facebook page.
The Rushbiddies host a fashion workshop at Saks Fifth
Avenue in Birmingham; they also give individual consultations. In late May,
they visited a client’s home in an affluent Birmingham cul-de-sac for a final
session. They reviewed paperwork, dispensed advice and vetted dresses for
August rush at Auburn. “This I love,” exclaimed Ms. Grant of a one-shoulder
black cocktail dress destined for the last rush event. “It’s not too over the
top.” And shoes? “Black strappy sandals,” said Ms. Foster.
During the session, the rushee, Mallie, who did not
want her full name published because it might affect her chances, was mostly
quiet, worn out by her recent finals. Her mother took notes and asked
questions. Later, Mallie talked about rush: “It’s going to be stressful — not
only making a decision for the next four years but for friends you will have
for the rest of your life.” Because the experience can be so emotional,
consultants provide “on-call services.”
Many aspiring sisters spend their summer working out
and dieting. “Rushing shakes your confidence level,” says Maggie, who also
spoke on condition she not be fully identified. She will soon be heading to
Washington & Lee, and is trying to lose weight. “You are being judged on
how you look,” she says. Case in point: A study of Northwestern undergraduates
in a normal weight range, published in 2010, showed the thinner women more
likely to join a sorority.
As rush grinds on, students often text their moms with
frequent, sometimes tearful updates. “Drama Trauma Drama,” wrote one weary
mother on a Greek chat forum. For some mothers, empathizing with the pain of
peer rejection is excruciating.
“I lost six pounds that week,” recalls Julie Baselice,
whose daughter Christina is now a Chi Omega at the University of Texas. “It was
the most stressful experience of my life.” As for Christina, she is grateful
for the counsel of Marjorie
Burciaga, an Austin, Tex., consultant, on how to handle herself during
recruitment events. “It’s so easy to go in there and start talking, talking,
talking,” she says. “You need to learn how to have a filter.”
Many students who don’t get asked back by their dream
sorority during the early rounds walk away from recruitment altogether. Last
year at the University of Virginia, 27 percent left during January rush.
Students often have their hearts set on a particular house, says Michael J.
Citro, the assistant dean of students.
Or a rushee might limit herself to the house her mother
belonged to (legacy status is a plus but no guarantee of a bid). Ms. Burciaga
encourages her clients to keep an open mind about chapters they visit. “I talk
to them about what seems like a good fit for them,” she says.
One obvious reason for rejection is inadequate grades.
At the national level, sororities set a grade-point average, and individual
sororities often raise the bar. Beyond that, candidates can rarely discern why
a sorority rejects them.
Madeline D’Arcambal Braun, a Manhattan native entering
her junior year at Indiana University Bloomington, says she had “absolutely no
idea” why she wasn’t asked back. She dropped out of rush freshman year after
the houses she wanted didn’t invite her back. “It’s exactly like a breakup.
That’s how this feels.”
Indiana is reputed to have one of the toughest rushes.
Parents have complained on the Sorority Parents blog, operated by the National
Panhellenic Conference, that space is too limited. Last year, a little more
than half of the 1,718 women at Indiana who registered for recruitment joined a
sorority; about 800 either didn’t continue or did not receive a bid. Possible
reasons, say university officials: inadequate grades, student dissatisfaction
with the chapters that chose them and vice versa, or not enough spaces.
This past year, the nonresidential sorority Theta Phi
Alpha was added to expand slots, becoming the 20th chapter at Indiana. Ms.
Braun decided to give this one a whirl, and joined sophomore year. “It’s
awesome,” she says. “I’m always raving about it.” Another nonresidential
chapter, Alpha Sigma Alpha, is coming this fall.
Rush at George Washington University is a different
ballgame. No résumés are needed. Nor are alumnae letters of recommendation or
references. Requiring them “is ludicrous,” says Sara Fischer, who as president
of the G.W. Panhellenic Association last year helped bring an 11th sorority to
campus. “G.W. is not this kind of place.”
There aren’t a lot of legacies at G.W.; students are
not drawn there for its Greek life. “Most come to school with a bad idea of
sororities, like hazing,” said Marta Cofone, current Panhellenic president,
struggling to be heard over the throb of Katy Perry at a meet-the-Greeks event
during new-student orientation last month. Last year, a G.W. sorority lost its
housing after an alcohol-fueled hazing incident.
“I wasn’t even going to join,” Ms. Cofone said, but the
group leader she met at orientation was a “smart, intelligent and interesting
person,” and Greek.
Several sorority members from New York and New Jersey,
clustered at the Sigma Delta Tau table that night, recalled their mothers’
collective shock at their decision to go Greek. But, says Ms. Fischer, “being
in a sorority is the best way to network.” She credits her Greek contacts with
helping her secure an apartment, jobs and internships. She and others also
attribute the recent growth of their sorority to recruiting a broad swath of
women. “You’ll see that same set of Greek letters on someone with a nose
piercing,” Ms. Cofone said, referring to the chapters’ names emblazoned on
members’ T-shirts and caps. “That’s why it’s so successful.”
Valerie Berg, vice president of recruitment at G.W.,
notes that if students are open to any sorority who wants them, nearly all will
get a bid. No prepping required.
Still, the elements of competition persist.
Anticipating questions about October’s rush, Ms. Berg recently updated the
sororities’ Facebook page. The topic: what to expect and what to wear on each
day.
Abigail Sullivan Moore is co-author of “The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up.”