WUNRN
ARAB COUPLES SEEK EDUCATIONAL
COMPATIBILITY
Jeddah: Although there are many reasons for divorce among Arab couples, different levels of education tend to be the main reason why many part ways, say experts.
A marriage between a husband not as educated as his wife is more likely to end in divorce, they add.
They claim women also find it difficult to marry men not as educated as them for social, psychological and economic reasons.
A potential partner’s level of education was not a big issue in the past. It is normal to see women not so educated marrying men with a degree and vice versa.
Nowadays, a woman would be putting her happiness at risk if she marries a man with a lesser education than her because of his ego, even if he says it is not a problem.
Ragheda Hassan, a Jordanian woman who holds a bachelor’s in finance and economics from Amman University, is married to a chef.
She did not see marrying a man less educated than her a problem. She thought that love would conquer all, but after many years she was eventually proven wrong.
“I got married to my husband after seven years of courtship. I agreed to marry him because of his good character. My family refused to bless the marriage because he did not complete his higher education,” she said.
“I was happy to marry the person that I love, but recently I discovered the negative consequences of such a marriage. He banned me from working because deep inside he felt threatened by my superior education. He always misunderstands me when we talk and interprets everything I say as an attack on him because he did not complete his studies. He has banned me from social activities, friendships and even working.”
Thuraya Marzook is a Saudi teacher married to a rich Saudi man. Her husband only completed the primary level of education. She said that their differing levels of education have created a gap between them.
“My husband refused to listen to any criticism even if it was true. He always tries to put me down to prove that he is the man of the house and tells me that higher education is not for everyone and it is not a measurement of the person’s character,” Marzook said.
“After two months of marriage, he stopped talking to me. When I asked him why he was doing that, he said sarcastically that he might not be attractive to the higher educated woman.”
According to Marzook, her husband blamed her for being educated and making his life miserable.
“He is trying to damage my self confidence all because of my certificate. The funny thing is that I never mentioned the differences in our education to him; he is the one who talks about it all the time,” said Marzook.
Not only are women are afraid of getting married to potential partners with less education than them, men also expressed their insecurities about marrying women with higher degrees.
Essam Al-Ahmari, a Saudi employee in the banking sector, prefers his wife to be less educated than him.
“Marriage means starting a new life full of duties and responsibilities for both husband and wife. This new life depends on certain principles, including education,” he said.
“Equality and respect will lead to a happy and successful marriage. Unfortunately, the principle of equality will never be implemented successfully in the Saudi family. Women, especially Saudis, become very proud and strong when they complete their higher studies. They forget their femininity when they become strong and isolate or marginalize the husband’s role in the family. When wives are with a high degree of education, they want to be in control.”
According to Al-Ahmari, most men restrict themselves to uneducated women in order to control them.
“I believe that an educated woman is arrogant and will make my life more difficult as she will try to control me,” he added.
Salha Al-Amri, a Saudi student at a private medicine college in Jeddah, considers marrying a man less educated than her as akin to suicide.
“Men with a low education will limit my dreams and ambition,” said Al-Amri. She said that it is important that both are educated to the same level or else they will not understand each other.
“I have heard many stories of husbands who have stood in the way of their wives’ success simply because they do not want to be bettered. My friend once told me that husbands with a lesser degree who still encourage their wives to pursue their ambitions do not exist.”
Reem Al-Arabi, an Egyptian teacher married to an unemployed Yemeni man, complained about the financial difficulties that she faced because of her husband’s lack of education.
“No doubt life would have been easier if my husband completed his education. I have suffered in so many aspects due to his lack of education. Although education has liberated me in so many ways, I would agree and say it has worked against me too in some ways,” she said.
“For example, due to his lack of education, my husband can’t find a job. I told him that I would not stay with him if he cannot financially take care of the family. I am paying all the home expenses. Even when he makes a little money here and there, he does not offer to help me. He just keeps it for himself.”
According to Al-Arabi, her husband is handsome, kind, and helped her in the house. He cooks and cleans. “All these things are not enough for me as I am always forced to bear all the responsibility like a man,” said Al-Arabi.
Dr. Mohammed Ali Al-Hasoun, social researcher and dean of the information technology department at Al-Imam Muhammad ibn Saud Islamic University in Riyadh, confirmed that Arab and Saudi families seek marriages involving only educated men to ensure a financially stable married life and a prestigious position in society.
“In the past, marriage to an uneducated man was not a problem. Nowadays it is a must. We are not in a discriminatory war against uneducated men or women, as marriage depends not only on the level of education. It depends on understanding,” said Al-Hasoun.
“Most Arab and Saudi families refuse marriage proposals from uneducated men or men less educated than their daughters for social and financial reasons. They believe that only highly-educated men can offer money and prestige.”
Al-Hasoun confirmed that any discrepancies in education would never be acceptable between couples.
“A wife with a better education than her husband will suffer a lot from his jealousy. Most men in the Middle East countries will never understand their wives’ success, she said.