WUNRN
JAPAN - RISE IN "DIVORCE
CEREMONIES"
As
Japan's divorce rate soars, couples in Tokyo are ending their marriages with as
much care as they began them.
Divorce ceremony planner Hiroki Terai with Daigo Teshima and his wife Saori
Photo: Shiho Fukada
By Danielle Demetriou in Tokyo - 13 June 2010
Saori Teshima had
long dreamt of the moment. Standing nervously next to her smartly-suited
partner in front of friends and loved ones, a sparkling ring appeared before
her.
But contrary to conventional
wedding rules, the man at Saori's side did not slip the ring lovingly onto her
left hand before sealing their union with a kiss.
Instead, the pair were handed a
hammer - which they held together as they proceeded to smash the ring to
symbolise the end of their five-year marriage.
So goes another divorce ceremony
- a bizarre, but increasingly popular ritual among Japanese couples, who choose
to end their marriages with the same pomp and ceremony with which they began
them.
From drinking toasts to never
seeing each other again, through to symbolic rides in separate rickshaws to
reflect the start of a new journey, the ceremonies consist of a string of
symbolic acts to mark the definitive end of a marriage.
Their introduction is timely:
more than 251,000 divorces took place in
Yet with divorce still something
of a taboo in Japanese society, the ceremonies have caught on as a way to
publicly formalise the separation in a way that is socially acceptable to
friends and family.
Pioneering the trend for divorce
ceremonies is Hiroki Terai, 29, an entrepreneurial former sales man from
Japan's
Since setting up a company
devoted to divorce ceremonies in March, he has been contacted by more than 700
people and conducted 21 divorce ceremonies – costing from £44 to £700 - with a
further nine booked.
"A ceremony at the end of a
marriage gives the couple and their friends and family the opportunity to gain
emotional closure," he said.
"Couples ranging from 21 to
57 have taken part in ceremonies so far. Some wear white dresses, a few opt for
cakes, and it's always very moving.
"Everyone deserves a fresh
new start. Two couples actually decided to stay together after the ceremony
because it made them realise how much they still cared."
Roland
Kelts, a
"Today's Japanese women are
well-educated and worldly," he says. "They watch Sex and the City and
wonder why their husbands are not more dynamic.
"And their husbands, having
lost the security of lifetime employment and its perks, are wondering why their
wives are so impatient. No wonder divorce has risen to a third of Japanese
marriages."
Saori Teshima, 34, and her
husband Daigo, 36, who runs a wholesale fish company, has just
"celebrated" a divorce ceremony to mark the beginning of their new
lives.
The couple, who have a
four-year-old daughter, split last year after Saori discovered her husband was
having an affair, and divorce papers are being processed.
The event began as Saori, dressed
in a casual grey dress over jeans and straw hat, and a nervous Daigo, in white
shirt and suit, gathered at the gates of a
A sombre atmosphere prevailed, as
formal greetings were exchanged before the soon-to-be-ex couple was led to two
– separate - waiting rickshaws which led them off to "
Following behind on foot, one
guest Aoyama Tsuyoshi, 32, a healthcare businessman, said: "I thought it
was a joke when I first received the invitation.
"But I soon realised that
they were serious as they want to start afresh after their marriage. It is a
sad day but I am happy to be here to support them."
"I think the 'divorce
ceremony' phenomenon in Japan is healthy - a sign that the country can embrace
change as a national 'family,' rather than a cold-hearted 'system' of sclerotic
preconceived taboos."
Upon arrival at
With the couple standing side by
side, Mr Terai then declared: "The couple married in May 2005 and they
were blessed with a child, however, the husband's business was not going well,
also there were relationships issues, so they have decided to divorce.
"I hope that today will mark
a new start for the couple. I hope that this ceremony will help them get
closure."
As in a traditional wedding, the
climax involved the ring, which was then smashed by the couple with a hammer,
prompting polite, if uncertain, applause from the guests.
Ceremony over, the divorce party
headed to a local restaurant – with ex-bride on one table and ex-groom on the
other – where a toast of green tea was drunk before a sombre bento box lunch of
tempura prawns, rice and miso soup.
After eating, Saori explained:
"My husband found out about divorce ceremonies on the internet and I was
against the idea at first. But then I realised it might be a good opportunity
to get some closure.
"Today, I am feeling sad but
also relieved. I feel a sense of release, like something is finally
finished." She added: "I met my husband through friends and we had a
very good relationship at first. He was always cheerful and fun to be with.
"We married in a very small
ceremony and had a baby girl. But I became suspicious he was having an affair –
from smiles over emails on his mobile and fancy chocolate gifts.
"When I confronted him, he
confessed. Now the divorce is being processed and we are about to move to new
homes."
For her husband Daigo, the
ceremony was less about dwelling on past mistakes and more about creating hope
for the future.
"I was very happy to marry
her, but over time, we became too used to each other's daily existence,"
he said.
"It has been very difficult
recently, but during the ceremony, I could tell that Saori's mood changed as
she smashed the ring – she seemed refreshed and relieved, like a weight had
been removed."
Not everyone was convinced,
however.
Dressed in a black dress that
brought to mind funerals rather than weddings, guest Kumiko Takatsu, 35, who
works for a bridal company, said: "'I'm not sure this is a good idea.
"It is always very difficult
when couples divorce and I don't know if this helps. The atmosphere today was
very anxious."