WUNRN
TURKEY - BERDEL WEDDINGS
- ARRANGED TRADITIONAL CUSTOM - RARER NOW
By Bijoyeta Das
March 22, 2010
Berdel--also known as sister swapping and parallel
weddings--is dwindling but still practiced. One woman says the tribal custom,
which is controlled by a male elder, may have led to her wedding, but it's not
what she wants for her daughters.
She said never but her husband said once.
"But we are happy," said the husband, Husein
Bozan, 44. "If we were not happy how could we have eight children?"
The couple lives here in
While he sat in the perfectly square living room,
carpeted from wall-to-wall, speaking with a reporter in front of a TV
broadcast, his wife, Sultan, 40, and four daughters were quietly huddled in a
corner.
Bozan's father, brother and four sons also sat in front
of the medium-sized TV, which was showing guerillas of PKK (Kurdistan Worker's
Party) on the mountains, singing in praise of the heroism of martyrs.
Bozan said his love is unconditional but the marriage is
conditional.
That's because of the special rules of their wedding,
conducted according to the ancient tradition of berdel, also known as parallel
brides or sister swapping, in which the daughters of two families marry the
sons of the other in the same ceremony.
On a dusty summer day, 23 years ago, Bozan wed Sultan and
Sultan's brother married Bozan's sister.
The practice is intended to solidify inter-family bonds,
but also allow for a possible parting of ways.
By custom, if one marriage breaks, so must the other.
It is not clear how many marriages have been sealed
through berdel. But scholars say one thing is clear--berdel marriage is not
about two individuals, it is about two families, about tribes and kinship. It
firmly positions the head of the family, the father or the grandfather, as the
decision maker. He cuts the deals. He can annul marriages. No one asks the
women.
Berdel is far less common than 20 years ago, eroded by
educational campaigns against the practice and the weakening of tribal customs
as urban lifestyles confer more financial independence to young people.
Still Somewhat Practiced
But it is still somewhat practiced in the east and
southeast Anatolian regions of
No statistics are kept about berdel, but Mehmet, Bozan's
younger brother said the practice is waning.
"Earlier, if a village had 30 houses, at least 15 of
them would have married through berdel, now only five," he said. Though
Mehmet did not marry according to berdel, his marriage was fixed by his father.
Two months ago, Sultan's youngest sister and a male
cousin were married through berdel to another family, she said.
The men in Sultan's family assumed responsibility for
answering most of this reporter's questions, but when she was pushed for an
answer about her daughters, she sounded resolved.
"No berdel for my daughters," she said in a
voice too soft for her husband to hear. "There were problems in my
marriage."
Bozan said berdel, which in Kurdish language means
"in place of the one," was good for his generation. His father
arranged the marriage deal and he agreed with no qualms. In his case it was not
a choice, it was mandatory. "I am not sure if today's children with all
these education, urban life and TV will agree," he said.
The origins of this system are mysterious.
Something called watta-satta (give and take or throwing a
stone and receiving something back), which involves the simultaneous marriage
of a brother-sister from two families, accounts for a third of all marriages in
rural Pakistan; it is even more common in parts of Sindh and the country's
southern province of Punjab, according to a 2007 World Bank report.
In berdel both marriages are annulled if one couple
splits, but watta-satta enforces reciprocal threat. So if a husband mistreats
his wife then his brother-in-law can retaliate and treat his sister in the same
way.
Marriage Confirmed Authority
Stephanie Coontz, author of the 2006 book "Marriage,
a History: From Obedience to Intimacy and How Love Conquered Marriage,"
teaches history and family studies at Evergreen State College in
"For thousands of years in Christian, Muslim and all
other sorts of societies, marriage was in part about confirming the authority
of elders over children in general and men over women in particular," said
Coontz in an e-mail interview.
Sebnem Eras, a Turkish journalist, photographer and
author of the book "Berdel," published in January, describes it as a
social control mechanism.
She said there are practical explanations for why it
originated and thrived. In
But that was less important than its use in forging
strategic alliances. "Berdel is used to fortify kinship ties and ensure
the continuity of tribal organizations," Eras said. Most berdel marriages
are organized within clans so it solidifies tribal bonds and protects male
inheritances from slipping out of clans.
Eras said it's popular now to view berdel an oppressive
system that victimizes women. She noted that men are also victimized since
neither side of a match has any choice.
She said, however, it was wrong to assume berdel
marriages aren't happy. "I found couples who developed a balanced formula
to be happy, love and support each other," she said.
There are also ways to preserve one marriage when another
ends. Some families can choose to pay the bride price and keep the woman.
"Paying bride price is not highly regarded,"
Eras said. "It is at this point most conflicts and clashes between tribes
start."
Few Divorces Settled in Court
Few divorce cases are settled in the courts; instead the
division of property is discussed by the male head of the families and in some
cases by the tribal leaders.
The berdel system also has rules for when one of the
wives in a parallel marriage dies. In this situation, the widower may marry
another woman from his wife's family, said Serpil Altuntek, an anthropologist
at
It is also difficult to break off a berdel marriage,
since the system tends to brush aside marital problems for the "sake of
two families," Altuntek said.
In some cases women who are coerced to marry through
berdel commit suicide, Altuntek said. "If she decides to escape or choose
another man, this can be seen as loss of honor and she might be either killed
or forced to commit suicide," she said.
Rozan Kahraman, a sociologist who works at the Education
of Women and
"We consider it a form of violence against women.
Now we have one less evil to fight," Kahraman said. "In some cases
berdel marriages are fixed at birth. Also, if a man kidnaps a woman then his
family has to offer a sister to compensate."
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