WUNRN
28
November 2008
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Saudi
Arabia - Forum Suggests Measures to Protect Divorced Women
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DAMMAM: More than 100 women, officials and legal experts discussed women’s and children’s rights in divorce in Saudi Arabia on Tuesday at a Dammam forum and issued more than 70 legal, social and cultural recommendations. The conference at the Asharqia Chamber for Business Women in Dammam to commemorate the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women was held under the patronage of Princess Jawahir bint Naif. Its goal was to examine the legal, institutional, societal, familial and emotional difficulties of divorce for women. The divorce rate has increased in the Kingdom, reaching 60 percent in 2007, prompting the need for an institutional system to safeguard women’s rights in divorce. “Divorce is bitter-tasting — even to men who understand the importance of family and care about it,” said Haifa Khalid, head of the Saudi Divorce Initiative and an organizer of the event. “But women and their children are the weaker side in any divorce. There still isn’t a system in place that understands their needs.” “The goal here is not to prosecute men — this is not a women’s demonstration for their pain,” said women’s rights activist Thurayya Al-Arayyedh. “This is a step toward a fair system for all sides in a divorce — men, women and children.” Wafa Al-Tuwaijri of the King Abdulaziz Center for National Dialogue said it is also important to deal with the causes of divorce, as they are the same causes for abuse of family members after a divorce. “The primary causes of divorce are immaturity, the inability to understand one another and a couple’s silence.” There are many forms of abuse in divorce, from withholding alimony, child support or denying visitation rights to physical or sexual assault, kidnapping the children in the wife’s custody, and, in some cases, murdering them. “We get women who come to us and ask that we protect them from their ex-husbands,” said Moody Al-Zahrani, supervisor of the Social Protection Department of the Ministry of Social Affairs. “Divorced women are often exposed to physical violence and need protection.” Many women who choose to divorce their husbands do so in hopes of ending an abusive relationship, but few find the support they need to successfully do this. “Society’s view of the divorced woman is more difficult for some than the actual violence. Some will put up with it for 15 or 20 years,” Al-Zahrani said. “What also stops her is that she can’t support herself, financially or emotionally, and she isn’t personally able to leave her husband.” “One of the main reasons for violence in marriage, in the family and in divorce is that women don’t know their rights,” said human rights activist Suad Al-Shammary. “An unproductive, sick society is a society that leans toward violence. Most abusers don’t commit violence out of a desire but because their violence comes from their ignorance.” In addition to being unaware of their rights, many women stay in an abusive marriage thinking it is better for their children. “Her patience toward an abusive husband is not a benefit to society,” said Al-Zahrani. “On the contrary, she is raising a broken generation which inherits this behavior.” One woman attested to this occurrence. “My husband used to verbally abuse me, and he used to hit me,” she said. “I divorced him, and now my children hit me, too — even my oldest son. They imitate how their father used to treat me.” The effects of an abusive relationship are felt by children in particular, as men who beat their wives or ex-wives also are likely to beat their children. “We all know the story of Areej, the girl who was kidnapped by her father two years ago,” said Amal Al-Khaleefah, a psychologist and a member of Amnesty International and the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF). “She was later found in his apartment, hanging and beaten to death because he wanted to ‘teach her manners.’ There are so many cases like hers.” An abusive relationship or divorce also has an emotional impact on a child. “He’ll have internal conflicts because of the collapse of the family life, which will lead to aggressive behavior,” Al-Khaleefah said. “Every child has the inalienable right to a good life. Every child has the right to live peacefully and be loved unconditionally.” There also are legal issues that complicate divorce, making women tolerate an abusive husband rather than divorce him, such as when a man “verbally” divorces his wife and fails to appear in court to formalize it. He can stop his financial support without being reprimanded by the court, and, without a divorce certificate, the woman is unable to find a job or remarry. “Because of some of the legal procedures, like when judges keep postponing hearings, some women regret the divorce,” said Al-Zahrani. “They’ll say, ‘I wish I had stayed at home, I saw less abuse there than I did from society when I left.’” Some women are left without housing or financial support, and have to rely on the charity of others. “False divorce occurs when the husband says to the woman ‘you are divorced’ three times in one sitting, or there is ‘surprise divorce,’ when he divorces her by e-mail or by a mobile-phone message,” said Shaikha Al-Awdah, a social and psychological consultant and trainer. “This is not considered divorce. He needs to formalize it with her at a court so that the court can then follow up on him in case he violates her rights as a divorced woman.” “There is a law for this,” said Nourah Al-Yousef, an adviser to the Shoura Council and member of the National Society for Human Rights. “It’s not an issue of law; it’s an issue of executing these laws.” On the other hand, divorce can be a positive experience for women when they are properly supported by the legal system, society and their families. “I was able to stand on my own two feet,” said Wafa Al-Muzaini, a divorced woman who now has her own business. “Divorce isn’t the end of the world, and it isn’t revenge, either,” she said. “It is a blessing. I have five children who were all in elementary school when I was divorced, and I raised them on my own — despite myself being uneducated, now they are all educated and employed.” “Divorce is not about women vs. men, or men vs. women,” said Ameera Al-Kashghary, a professor at King Abdulaziz University in Jeddah. “It’s about family, society and reforming society.” Conference recommendations can be viewed online at the Saudi Divorce Initiative website - http://www.saudidivorce.org/page.asp?page=home - Arabic. |
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