WUNRN
AFGHANISTAN
Elderly Men Often Take Young Women as Their Brides - But Their Families Don’t Always Approve.
IWPR (ARR No. 242, 20-Feb-07)
Fawzia,
not her real name, is twenty-one years old, I am twenty-two. So it seems
strange to call her “grandmother”.
“My wife died, and I became young again!” laughed my 85-year-old grandfather.
“There were some old women I could have married, but I wanted a young one. I do
not think you can just divide young and old. So I decided to marry a young
girl. Now I am very happy.”
Fawzia’s story is a bit different.
“My father died, and mother had to support two small boys, as well as me. We
had no money, so she decided to marry me to this old man. She did not think
about me, about my life. She just put my life in the river, where it drifted
away.”
When he announced his wedding, my grandfather thought the family would rejoice.
He has ten children with his first wife, seven girls and three boys. My mother
is his eldest daughter.
“For such a young girl, death would have been better than marriage to an old
man,” said my mother.
On the wedding day, my grandfather could not hide his joy. He distributed
sweets, nuts and raisins to the guests. But only three of his daughters came to
the wedding. The rest of his children stayed away.
“Why are you not happy for me?” he asked one of my aunts, who came to the
wedding.
“I am trying,” she said. “But my heart is not in it. I am so miserable I don't
think I will ever be happy again.”
When she heard this, Fawzia fainted, and the wedding had to be stopped for a
bit.
When she was better, the ceremony continued. My grandfather sat by her, singing
to her, and saying “Don’t worry, everything will be okay. I will obey all of
your commands and I will give you whatever you want.”
But Fawzia was not listening to him. She seemed to be in a trance. “This is
God’s will,” she said. “I have to marry this old man. I would kill myself, but
it would bring shame on my family. After all, I am not the only young girl who
has been in this situation.”
Fawzia is quite right. There are many such cases, and I have seen them with my
own eyes. I know a drug smuggler in Lashkar Gah who just married a 15-year-old
girl. He is old, maybe 50, and has two other wives. I know that the girl went
back to her family, asking them to kill her rather than send he back to her
husband. But they made her return anyway.
If I could get support, I would bring old men who marry young girls to trial. I
would stop this shameful practice.
My grandfather is wealthy. He owns a lot of land in Helmand province, and he
grows vegetables, not poppy, like so many other people do.
Now it has been a little over a year since the wedding, and Fawzia has changed
her tune.
“At first I was very unhappy. But now I have [twin] children, a son and a
daughter, and I am very happy with them. My husband is very nice to me, and
brings me everything I want. I would not change him for a young man.”
But I think she is just trying to put a good face on things. It is shameful to
complain about your husband.
When my grandfather is gone, Fawzia will not be able to remarry. In our
culture, when a woman’s husband dies, she remains in his family. She can marry
her husband’s brother. But my grandfather has no living brothers. Fawzia is now
our mother and grandmother - we cannot marry her. She will be a widow forever.
My grandfather does not think of this, though. He is very happy with his new
children, and teases his sons, “See, I am stronger than you. I have more
children.” He says he wants many more children. In fact, he is thinking of
marrying again.
“I married a 20-year-old and am very happy,” he told me. “Now I want another
one.”
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