IT WASN’T BY CANDLE LIGHT
by
Rita Loyd © May 11,
2007
It wasn’t by candle
light….
No romantic
music…..
All the fantasies of how
my first time
would be
were erased…..without my
consent.
I trusted
him…
with my
body.
But then I was
tricked.
I was made to believe that only
his hand
would touch me
there.
But before I knew
it…
My innocence was
violated…
My virginity
gone.
By a
man
I would forgive
because I did not place
value on what he had stolen.
My choice. My voice. My self
worth.
I even consoled his guilt for what he had done.
Three years later I agreed to
marry him
after he gave me a diamond
engagement ring
to apologize for hitting
me.
How romantic.
A year after that we
divorced.
And a year after that we
remarried.
Because I was still
lost.
Because I still did not know that
I deserved better.
But then one day while suffering
ulcer pain
I asked myself the
question.
“How did I end up
here?”
And it was at this moment I
realized
that it was a lack of self
worth
that attracted this relationship
into my life
and it was a lack of self
worth
that made me feel willing to
stay.
It became clear.
I had a long road ahead of me....
To reach my destination of self love.
But this was the day
I took my first step.
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