Bar Mitzvah, Bat Mitzvah and Confirmation
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"Bar Mitzvah" literally means "son of the commandment." "Bar" is
"son" in Aramaic, which used to be the vernacular of the Jewish people.
"Mitzvah" is "commandment" in both Hebrew and Aramaic. "Bat" is
daughter in Hebrew and Aramaic. (The Ashkenazic
pronunciation is "bas"). Technically, the term refers to the child
who is coming of age, and it is strictly correct to refer to someone
as "becoming a bar (or bat) mitzvah." However, the term is more
commonly used to refer to the coming of age ceremony itself, and you
are more likely to hear that someone is "having a bar mitzvah."
Under Jewish Law, children are not obligated to observe the
commandments, although they are encouraged to do so as much as
possible to learn the obligations they will have as adults. At the
age of 13 (12 for girls), children become obligated to observe the
commandments. The bar mitzvah ceremony formally marks the assumption
of that obligation, along with the corresponding right to take part
in leading religious
services, to count in a minyan (the minimum
number of people needed to perform certain parts of religious
services), to form binding contracts, to testify before religious
courts and to marry.
A Jewish boy automatically becomes a bar mitzvah upon reaching
the age of 13 years, and a girl upon reaching the age of 12 years.
No ceremony is needed to confer these rights and obligations. The
popular bar mitzvah ceremony is not required, and does not fulfill
any commandment. It is certainly not, as one episode of the Simpsons would have you believe,
necessary to have a bar mitzvah in order to be considered a Jew! The
bar or bat mitzvah is a relatively modern innovation, not mentioned
in the Talmud,
and the elaborate ceremonies and receptions that are commonplace
today were unheard of as recently as a century ago.
In its earliest and most basic form, a bar mitzvah is the
celebrant's first aliyah. During Shabbat services on a
Saturday shortly after the child's 13th birthday, the celebrant is
called up to the Torah to recite a blessing over
the weekly
reading.
Today, it is common practice for the bar mitzvah celebrant to do
much more than just say the blessing. It is most common for the
celebrant to learn the entire haftarah portion,
including its traditional chant, and recite that. In some
congregations, the celebrant reads the entire weekly torah portion,
or leads part of the service, or leads the congregation in certain
important prayers. The celebrant is also generally required to make
a speech, which traditionally begins with the phrase "today I am a
man." The father traditionally recites a blessing thanking G-d for removing the
burden of being responsible for the son's sins (because now the
child is old enough to be held responsible for himself).
In modern times, the religious service is followed by a reception
that is often as elaborate as a wedding reception. In Orthodox and Chasidic
practice, women
are not permitted to participate in religious services in these
ways, so a bat mitzvah, if celebrated at all, is usually little more
than a party. In other movements of
Judaism, the girls do exactly the same thing as the boys.
It is important to note that a bar mitzvah is not the goal of a
Jewish education, nor is it a graduation ceremony marking the end of
a person's Jewish education. We are obligated to study Torah throughout our
lives. To emphasize this point, some rabbis require a bar mitzvah
student to sign an agreement promising to continue Jewish education
after the bar mitzvah.
Sadly, an alarming number of Jewish parents today view the bar or
bat mitzvah as the sole purpose of Jewish education, and treat it
almost as a Jewish hazing ritual: I had to go through it, so you
have to go through it, but don't worry, it will all be over soon and
you'll never have to think about this stuff again.
Confirmation is a somewhat less widespread coming of age ritual
that occurs when a child is 16 or 18. Confirmation was originally
developed by the Reform movement,
which scorned the idea that a 13 year old child was an adult (but
see explanation below). They
replaced bar and bat mitzvah with a confirmation ceremony at the age
of 16 or 18. However, due to the overwhelming popularity of the bar
or bat mitzvah, the Reform movement has revived the practice. I
don't know of any Reform synagogues that
do not encourage the practice of bar and bat mitzvahs today.
In some Conservative
synagogues, however, the confirmation practice continues after bar
or bat mitzvah as a way to keep children involved in Jewish
education for a few more years.
Many people mock the idea that a 12 or 13 year old child is an
adult, claiming that it is an outdated notion based on the needs of
an agricultural society. This criticism comes from a
misunderstanding of the significance of becoming a bar mitzvah.
Bar mitzvah is not about being a full adult in every sense of the
word, ready to marry, go out on your own, earn a living and raise
children. The Talmud makes this
abundantly clear. In Pirkei Avot, it is said that while 13 is the
proper age for fulfillment of the Commandments, 18 is the proper age
for marriage
and 20 is the proper age for earning a livelihood. Elsewhere in the
Talmud, the proper age for marriage is said to be 16-24.
Bar mitzvah is simply the age when a person is held responsible
for his actions and minimally qualified to marry. If you compare
this to secular law, you will find that it is not so very far from
our modern notions of a child's maturity. In Anglo-American common
law, a child of the age of 14 is old enough to assume many of the
responsibilities of an adult, including minimal criminal liability.
Under United States law, 14 is the minimum age of employment for
most occupations (though working hours are limited so as not to
interfere with school). In many states, a fourteen year old can
marry with parental consent. Children of any age are permitted to
testify in court, and children over the age of 14 are permitted to
have significant input into custody decisions in cases of divorce.
Certainly, a 13-year-old child is capable of knowing the difference
between right and wrong and of being held responsible for his
actions, and that is all it really means to become a bar mitvah.
One of the most common questions I get on this site is: do you
give gifts at a bar or bat mitvah, and if so, what kind of gifts?
Yes, gifts are commonly given. They are ordinarily given at the
reception, not at the service itself. Please keep in mind that a bar
mitzvah is incorporated into an ordinary sabbath service, and many
of the people present at the service may not be involved in the bar
mitzvah.
The nature of the gift varies significantly depending on the
community. At one time, the most common gifts were a nice pen set or
a college savings bond (usually in multiples of $18, a number that
is considered to be favorable in Jewish tradition, see: Hebrew Alphabet: Numerical Values). In many
communities today, however, the gifts are the same sort that you
would give any child for his 13th birthday. It is best to avoid
religious gifts if you don't know what you're doing, but
Jewish-themed gifts are not a bad idea. For example, you might want
to give a book that is a biography of a Jewish person that the
celebrant might admire. I hesitate to get into specifics, for fear
that some poor celebrant might find himself with several copies of
the same thing!
When in doubt, it never hurts to ask the parents or the
synagogue's rabbi what is customary within the community.
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