06. December 2005
China - The mirror and I
Rui Liu, 27, is introducing herself as our future China correspondent for Women Without Borders, in a very personal essay.
I like to look into the mirror. I remember when I was a little girl, I often stood on my toes, trying to find my face in the mirror of the dressing table, which was nearly as high as I was. Now I still like to look into the mirror. Only now, the dressing table is too low for me. As I bend down, I see the face of a young woman, glowing with maturity, confident in her future and fascinated with her own reflection.
The fact that I like to look into the mirror has to do with my granny
whom I spent most of my childhood with. I remember clearly that one night I
heard her murmuring, ¡°We women can¡¯t be seen. We women can¡¯t be seen.¡± I was
so confused as to look into the mirror the next morning to check if I could be
seen indeed. Only now as a young woman myself, can I understand that it was not
physical visibility that granny had on her mind.
Granny spent all her life taking care of the family, day in and day out.
She cooked for her husband and five children. But whenever guests came, she and
other female family members had to eat by the stove around a small table in the
kitchen. At family discussions, she was never asked for her opinion. After
grandpa passed away, she had to listen to my uncle, her eldest son. Fulfilled
her duty as daughter, wife, and mother, yet as a person, she remained little
noticed. Even though she could see herself in the mirror of the dressing table,
she was never visible in the mirror of society.
I have been living a different life. At home, I make decisions together
with the rest of the family. In school, I often take charge of various
activities the same as other boys and girls. Not only that, I can see something
granny could not have dreamed of ¨C making decisions for my own future. My life
has been a series of decisions. I could choose from several universities as I
came out of high school. At university, I could choose from a range of majors
from international law to peace studies. And now upon graduation, I am again
faced with decisions ¨C to further my study or to go to work; to stay in China
or to go abroad; to get married right away or to remain single for a bit longer.
It does not matter whether or not I will become famous or rich, but I
will treasure the chance to demonstrate my potential and to help other women
demonstrate theirs as full members of society, fully visible in the mirror of
history. I will treasure it because the abundance of choice that I enjoy came
only after decades of efforts made by my granny, my mum, and millions of other
Chinese women.
However, the choices to be made by me and others of my
generation are a great challenge. The misconception that men are superior to
women is still dominating many people¡¯s minds. While men are encouraged to
compete and to assert themselves, we are expected to be quiet, loyal and
obedient. This is not very different from what is expected of us as good wives
and good mothers. The challenge we face calls for a higher level of our personal
development and self-determination.
The story of my grandmother and myself mirrors the lives of millions of
other women in China and perhaps in the world. Many of them still lead the life
of my grandmother. Their worth is not yet recognized. It is the responsibility
of a young person like me to work hard and struggle hard so that they too will
see themselves and will be seen in the mirror of society.
This is my dream. This dream, I believe, is not only shared by our
grandmothers, mothers and sisters, but also by many of our fathers, brothers,
husbands and male colleagues. It will not come true until everyone fully
realizes that women can contribute to society and should be guaranteed the right
to do so.
Women hold up half the sky.
-Rui Liu